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Post by Carl on Jan 7, 2007 18:25:24 GMT
National Championship #1 Contendership
Griffin Young vs. "The Heartland Hero" Al Woodbridge
Let's get it on..... |
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Post by Woody on Jan 7, 2007 19:29:39 GMT
The camera fades in to a familiar image: Al Woodbridge being the buffoon he was born to be. "The Heartland Hero" stands in his locker room, holding a Guitar Hero controller and staring at a TV screen, trying his best (and failing) to conquer a classic riff, "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath.
Woodbridge: (singing) I! Am! Al Woodbridge! Gonnabethenextnationalchamp-een.... FUCK! Messed up again!
Nick Kelly slides in, holding a microphone. Al Woodbridge pauses the game and turns around, slightly irritated.
Woodbridge: You ever play this game, Nick?
Kelly: Erm, I was sent to interview you, not the other way aro....
Woodbridge: And God Himself sent Al Woodbridge to this earth to kick the ass of those who oppresseth.... the... uh... opress-ed. Answer my question, fella.
Kelly: Sure, I've tried it once or...
Woodbridge: Hard shit, huh?
Kelly: Nah, I take my daily intake of fiber, so...
Woodbridge: I mean, I play real guitar well and everything, but I just can't get a grip on this.
Kelly: Al, you kinda.... suck at guitar. Both real and fake.
Woodbridge: What do you know, dude?
Kelly: Not much about guitar, actually, but I do know that you're slated to take on Griffin Young in a #1 Contenders Match tonight on CCW Unleashed.
Woodbridge: What a lovely bunch of coconuts.
Kelly: There they are a-standin' in a row.
Woodbridge: Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head....
Kelly: You give 'em a flick, a twist of the wrist....
Both: That's what the showman said!
Woodbridge: But.... is that really what the showman said? I mean, come on.
Kelly: Yeah.... I think so. But, about Griffin Young.
Woodbridge: I respect him.
Kelly: Do you think your chan....
Woodbridge: I bet one of us two will win tonight.
Kelly: But if you could pi....
Woodbridge: The better man will win tonight's match. But we're both good.
Kelly: The current national cha....
Woodbridge: Briefs. Now can I have a freakin'.... wait, hold on a second. You were gonna talk about Cowards, weren'tcha?
Kelly: Indeed.
Woodbridge: His entrance music says it all. "Run Like Hell." That's all he ever does. My entrance music says it all. "Born in the U.S.A." We own those toffee-sippin', scone-drinkin', meatstaff-flippin' beef-dippin' sons of bitches any day. And that, my friend, is what the showman said.
Kelly: Uh.... harsh words, from a harsh competitor. Al Woodbridge, ladies and gentlemen.
Kelly steps off-screen as Woodbridge picks up his guitar controller and starts riffing again.
Woodbridge: I'm defeating Griffin Young, he'sprettytoughbutheain'twellhung.....
Fade out.
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Post by †SamuraiFoochs† on Jan 7, 2007 21:37:45 GMT
As the camera fades in, the screen is almost completely black. Then there is a click and a whir that sounds like the starting of a CD player. Light floods the screen then disappears, and the process repeats quickly several times, as though someone is rapidly toggling a light switch with their hand. The song on the CD begins, and it’s clear someone is singing along.
Man: Space…save me from this space…space…
The main beat kicks in, and the mystery man keeps singing.
Man:
Take these plastic people
Read their lips
Now let it linger
Is there anything that makes them sound sincere?
C’mon
Tightly hold your hand
Take a deep breath
Give them the finger
Are you worried that your thoughts are not quite clear?
TWITCH!
The light switch stays on, and it’s clearly Griffin Young rocking out to his own theme song and reenacting his typical entrance in his locker room. Griffin has a decent singing voice, but that doesn’t at all detract from the comedy of the moment as the crowd laughs heartily. Griffin grabs a water bottle like a microphone and gives his best Michael Buffer imitation as the song continues…
Griffin: “From Winston-Salem, North Carolina, weighing 250 pounds and measuring in at a healthy…”
Most of the audience guesses what the next measurement is going to be in reference to and begins laughing harder as Griffin finally notices the camera filming him and damn near jumps out of his skin as the crowd laughs harder than ever, Griffin’s face rapidly resembling a full thermometer in color.
Griffin: AHH! WHAT THE FUCK?! GET OUTTA HERE!
Griffin rapidly switches off the CD player and attempts to compose himself, his voice embarrassed, a low mutter, punctuated by frequent throat clearing.
Griffin: Sorry ‘bout that, come in, come in…it uh, ahem…seems to work for Al, so I thought I’d give it a shot…
Crowd laughs and cheers.
Griffin: I suppose now’s the time when everybody wants to hear my thoughts on my opponent, the match, and the opportunity. I’ll keep it brief. Al Woodbridge? Tough son of a bitch, and one of the guys I really look up to in this locker room. The match? Oh, it’ll be hellacious, a real battle, but I’ll come out on top, no question in my mind. And now for the more lengthy part…this opportunity. If I win this match, I become the #1 Contender for Cowards’s National Championship.
Crowd pops loudly.
Griffin: This match represents everything. Everything I’ve strived for, and everything that, once upon a time, I thought I would never have. This match is a road to greatness, and I WILL not leave this road ‘till I’ve reached its end. Tonight, I will become the #1 Contender, or die trying. I look forward to facing Al, as he’s one of the only guys in the back who seems to have an idea of what being an Overlooked Soldier is all about. But don’t let that fool you. I will whip Al Woodbridge’s ass out there tonight to get the title shot I so readily deserve. Al, you might wanna take a listen to my theme music again. There’s not a fiber of “running like hell” in my body. Matter of fact, take a listen…
Griffin turns the CD player back on and sings again.
Griffin:
Unbutton your clothes, undress your soul
Show them your vigor
Are those inhibitions easiest to fear?
C’mon
Take this gasoline tin, head up high, walk like a winner…
Griffin walks towards the camera and sings the last line.
Griffin:
Let the bare feet be the last sounds that they hear…
TWITCH!
After yelling TWITCH, Griffin punches the camera and the video feed rapidly cuts out, but one last statement from the “Overlooked Soldier” is heard…
Griffin: Al…tonight, you die Young.
…as the screen slowly fades to black.
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