Post by OfLegend on Feb 19, 2007 2:38:27 GMT
From the backline
by Dan Seltzer
This month, I'm afraid it's just a runthrough of the latest stories that have gone down backstage in CCW recently, as I'm snowed under at the minute. For those of you who don't know, I am getting married next month, or entering into a "civil partnership," for those of you of the stuck-up born-again Christian persuasion, with my longtime partner Barry Domino. You will probably know Barry better as the on-screen performer and Body Count member Joker. "Fats," as his close friends and I affectionately call him, have been dating for over six months now and are ecstatic about our upcoming union.
With that out the way, here are the top news reports...
- Obviously, the biggest news this week is that CCW may be coming to an end. With the only enthusiastic member of the main event team, Josh Violence, having proven himself as a commercial and critical catastrophe, the bookers are unsure in which direction to head in order to get CCW's head above water again financially. The likely candidates to walk out of NOTI with the strap are Lance Leonard, whose mixed martial arts career could provide either a distraction or a valuable cross-promotional opportunity, or Thomas Richards, whose drawing ability the head brass have little faith in beyond providing a small boost of interest from fans. Leonard it is then.
- Look out for Marcus Knight making his appearance on the front of Men & Muscle in the near future. The ever-increasing flab around Knight's midsection has not deterred the backstage manipulator, who quashed any suggestion another wrestler might take his place on the cover.
- Don't expect Cowards to be with the company for much longer. According to varied reports, the comedy worker's backstage reputation is worsening by the day. Cowards, who was already unpopular outside of the Leonard/Macbeth/Marnie clique, has alienated even his old allies by running around with Paul Hill and playing painfully unfunny ribs on just about everybody. With the pressure mounting against Hill, it can only be a matter of time before we see the Herefordian on the independent circuit.
- Griffin Young isn't making himself many friends behind the curtain, either. Apparently, while Young carries himself with a very respectful attitude, he is a shameless mark for himself and has been known to bug veterans incessently for comments on his work. Whether he continue to be fishing for compliments in CCW or in the streets in the near future remains to be seen, but management still have high hopes for the rising superstar. Similar complaints have arisen about Matt Downing, but have been laughed out of the locker room, along with the kid himself. The unanimous verdict is that anyone who smells as strongly of semen as Downing does isn't really worth discussing.
- Max Macbeth has opted for the "stay home and collect a paycheck" option that Kevin Nash, Hulk Hogan and co. adopted during the dying days of WCW following his suspension for pummelling J-Man for real backstage.
- If you were wondering what happened to Adam Machiavelli, he's had some trouble with the law in recent months, reducing the one-time Body Count leader's airtime to sparse appearances. On the 17th of December, an anonymous tip led police to Machiavelli's home, where he was engaging in sexual activities with minors. A police source told us that "Mr [Machiavelli] was found naked and tied backwards to an overturned chair, sporting handcuffs and a 'humbler' device" while three boys of fourteen, sixteen and seventeen respectively took turns whipping him with a length of studded leather. Apparently Machiavelli, still under house arrest, could escape charges due to none of the three boys knowing any English.
- Gabe Griffin's in trouble again. The ex-CCW star was fired from his job as a projectionist at a porn cinema in Manhattan after he went on a proverbial rampage, overturning stacks of film and cutting holes in doors. It ended after he exposed his genitalia to patrons, shouting "this is a [penis] the likes of which YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN." Peter Senerchia is 42.
- Many rumours have arisen suggesting that JD Wheeler will be the one to walk out the victor against Nathan Versus at NOTI. Apparently, in another pathetic attempt to make himself look like a benevolent dictator, Versus has pushed for Wheeler to go over at the extravaganza, not realising that doing so would have an adverse affect on ratings in the future. Wheeler, tired of constant ribs, has backed this idea out of a desire for respect from his colleagues.
- 10th Level Vice President, documentary filmmaker, environmentalist and former presidential contender Al Gore has organized a 24-hour concert series to take place on all seven continents with the aim of highlighting the dangers of global warming.
The event, called Live Earth, will feature 100 musicians on July 7th and aims to attract two billion viewers via the television, radio and internet. The concerts will be streamed live on MSN, Microsoft's information portal.
Gore explained:
In order to solve the climate crisis, we have to reach billions of people, We hope to jumpstart that movement right here, right now, and take it to a new level on July 7, 2007.
The event has signed up many artists including Foo Fighters, Fall Out Boy, AFI, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Kelly Clarkson, Korn, Snoop Dogg, Bon Jovi and many others. The concerts will take place in Sydney, Australia; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; Shanghai, China; London, England; Kyoto, Japan; Johannesburg, South Africa; and a U.S. city that has yet to be determined, Wall said. Gore added that the campaign even plans to stage the first-ever rock concert on Antarctica. Proceeds from the concerts will fund initiatives by the Save Our Selves campaign.
Gore produced an Oscar-nominated documentary, An Inconvenient Truth and many of his ideas were further solidified by a recent report which featured the opinions of 2000 of the world's top climatic scientists - leaving little doubt in the risks that global warming presents.
Now if you'll excuse me, I hear wedding bells. Enjoy Night of the Immortals, because I won't. Ta-ta for now.
by Dan Seltzer
This month, I'm afraid it's just a runthrough of the latest stories that have gone down backstage in CCW recently, as I'm snowed under at the minute. For those of you who don't know, I am getting married next month, or entering into a "civil partnership," for those of you of the stuck-up born-again Christian persuasion, with my longtime partner Barry Domino. You will probably know Barry better as the on-screen performer and Body Count member Joker. "Fats," as his close friends and I affectionately call him, have been dating for over six months now and are ecstatic about our upcoming union.
With that out the way, here are the top news reports...
- Obviously, the biggest news this week is that CCW may be coming to an end. With the only enthusiastic member of the main event team, Josh Violence, having proven himself as a commercial and critical catastrophe, the bookers are unsure in which direction to head in order to get CCW's head above water again financially. The likely candidates to walk out of NOTI with the strap are Lance Leonard, whose mixed martial arts career could provide either a distraction or a valuable cross-promotional opportunity, or Thomas Richards, whose drawing ability the head brass have little faith in beyond providing a small boost of interest from fans. Leonard it is then.
- Look out for Marcus Knight making his appearance on the front of Men & Muscle in the near future. The ever-increasing flab around Knight's midsection has not deterred the backstage manipulator, who quashed any suggestion another wrestler might take his place on the cover.
- Don't expect Cowards to be with the company for much longer. According to varied reports, the comedy worker's backstage reputation is worsening by the day. Cowards, who was already unpopular outside of the Leonard/Macbeth/Marnie clique, has alienated even his old allies by running around with Paul Hill and playing painfully unfunny ribs on just about everybody. With the pressure mounting against Hill, it can only be a matter of time before we see the Herefordian on the independent circuit.
- Griffin Young isn't making himself many friends behind the curtain, either. Apparently, while Young carries himself with a very respectful attitude, he is a shameless mark for himself and has been known to bug veterans incessently for comments on his work. Whether he continue to be fishing for compliments in CCW or in the streets in the near future remains to be seen, but management still have high hopes for the rising superstar. Similar complaints have arisen about Matt Downing, but have been laughed out of the locker room, along with the kid himself. The unanimous verdict is that anyone who smells as strongly of semen as Downing does isn't really worth discussing.
- Max Macbeth has opted for the "stay home and collect a paycheck" option that Kevin Nash, Hulk Hogan and co. adopted during the dying days of WCW following his suspension for pummelling J-Man for real backstage.
- If you were wondering what happened to Adam Machiavelli, he's had some trouble with the law in recent months, reducing the one-time Body Count leader's airtime to sparse appearances. On the 17th of December, an anonymous tip led police to Machiavelli's home, where he was engaging in sexual activities with minors. A police source told us that "Mr [Machiavelli] was found naked and tied backwards to an overturned chair, sporting handcuffs and a 'humbler' device" while three boys of fourteen, sixteen and seventeen respectively took turns whipping him with a length of studded leather. Apparently Machiavelli, still under house arrest, could escape charges due to none of the three boys knowing any English.
- Gabe Griffin's in trouble again. The ex-CCW star was fired from his job as a projectionist at a porn cinema in Manhattan after he went on a proverbial rampage, overturning stacks of film and cutting holes in doors. It ended after he exposed his genitalia to patrons, shouting "this is a [penis] the likes of which YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN." Peter Senerchia is 42.
- Many rumours have arisen suggesting that JD Wheeler will be the one to walk out the victor against Nathan Versus at NOTI. Apparently, in another pathetic attempt to make himself look like a benevolent dictator, Versus has pushed for Wheeler to go over at the extravaganza, not realising that doing so would have an adverse affect on ratings in the future. Wheeler, tired of constant ribs, has backed this idea out of a desire for respect from his colleagues.
- 10th Level Vice President, documentary filmmaker, environmentalist and former presidential contender Al Gore has organized a 24-hour concert series to take place on all seven continents with the aim of highlighting the dangers of global warming.
The event, called Live Earth, will feature 100 musicians on July 7th and aims to attract two billion viewers via the television, radio and internet. The concerts will be streamed live on MSN, Microsoft's information portal.
Gore explained:
In order to solve the climate crisis, we have to reach billions of people, We hope to jumpstart that movement right here, right now, and take it to a new level on July 7, 2007.
The event has signed up many artists including Foo Fighters, Fall Out Boy, AFI, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Kelly Clarkson, Korn, Snoop Dogg, Bon Jovi and many others. The concerts will take place in Sydney, Australia; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; Shanghai, China; London, England; Kyoto, Japan; Johannesburg, South Africa; and a U.S. city that has yet to be determined, Wall said. Gore added that the campaign even plans to stage the first-ever rock concert on Antarctica. Proceeds from the concerts will fund initiatives by the Save Our Selves campaign.
Gore produced an Oscar-nominated documentary, An Inconvenient Truth and many of his ideas were further solidified by a recent report which featured the opinions of 2000 of the world's top climatic scientists - leaving little doubt in the risks that global warming presents.
Now if you'll excuse me, I hear wedding bells. Enjoy Night of the Immortals, because I won't. Ta-ta for now.
